New and Improved

All summer long I have been on a mission to totally rework my habits, clean the house, and establish a stay at home mama cooking routine.  I am pleased to say that Mike and I have officially combed though and organized every shelf, drawer, closet and cabinet in the air-conditioned portion of our house.  The garage has just a small section left with boxes of stuff that needs to be gone through, but I am hopeful that with one week left before Mike returns to work we will be able to fit that in the schedule as well.  My plan is to take my precious hour in the evening, when the girls are sleeping, to go through one box a night until it is all finished.  Mike is super proud of his new and improved wife who is no longer a hoarder but thoroughly downsized and organized.

At Naomi’s 2 month appointment her pediatrician couldn’t believe this darling, smiling, cooing baby was the same one that was covered in pimples and howling through her 1 month check up.  She noted how perfectly clear her skin is now, and when I explained that it began to clear up the 2^nd day I started the MSPI diet she said that just shows what a very sensitive allergy she has and what a great job I am doing. (with Elvis accent: Thank you! Thank you very much! )

Naomi, it seems, does not only have milk/soy protein intolerance, but a gluten one as well.  The newest food sensitivity was discovered when I took communion a couple Sundays ago (just the Host, not the communion wine) and she was miserable all day. I’ve purchased only gluten free flour and bread from that moment on and since then she’s been right as rain.

This whole experience has been a good thing because I have IBS (irritable bowl syndrome) and I wasn’t supposed to be indulging in milk products anyway-a habit that I had due to my love of Italian cheesy things and pizza. Allergen free meal planning has forced me to cook everything nearly from scratch and super fresh. Mike is in his glory with home cooked meals 2-3 times a day with the exception of corn or rice cereal with rice milk, fruit, and rice or coconut yogurt for breakfast during the weekdays. (I only have energy to cook hot breakfasts on the weekends.)  

The cookbooks I ordered (The Milk Soy Protein Intolerance (MSPI) Guidebook/Cookbook by Tamara Field and Allergen-Free Baker's Handbook by Cybele Pascal) have provided us with a way to enjoy some fantastic baked goods like Mike’s Vanilla birthday cake with vegan chocolate icing, pumpkin bread, and chocolate cupcakes.  The brown sugar cookies are Jenna’s favorites to make because she get to play with the dough which she calls hot potato, but I can’t figure out why! J

Technology is an amazing and wondrous thing because I was able to find a support group for kids with allergies and they recommended some online grocery distributors.  I ordered gluten, soy & dairy free items from Navan Foods https://www.navanfoods.com/and gluten free sample kit and bread sample kit from Ener-g http://www.ener-g.com/.  We also have a store about 40 minutes away that offers a lot of great products called Nature’s Market http://www.naturesmarketmelbourne.com/ and we made a trip to Fresh Market after the airport drop off in Orlando to pick up some new products there too. As promised, I have documented the results of our taste testing:

Brand	Type of food	Rating scale 1 to 10	Comments
Ener-g	White Rice Bread	1	Tastes like stale cardboard or “Yucky-poopy bread” as Jenna puts it.
Udi’s Gluten Free Foods White Sandwich Bread	White Rice Bread	8	They can be found in the frozen foods section of Publix and actually tastes really delicious when toasted. If Jenna eats it you know it is yummy. J
Ener-g	ginger snap cookies	9	Really yummy, you almost forget they are butter free.
Enjoy Life	ginger spice soft baked cookies	3	Ok but not great.
Enjoy Life	snickerdoodle soft baked cookies	2	Tolerable but not great according to Mike and I but Jenna ate two so I couldn’t give them a 1.
Enjoy Life	caramel apple snack bars	1	Jenna: “This tastes like it has boogers in it. I no like it!” Mindy (the dog) finished it.
Enjoy Life	very berry snack bars	2	Mike and I ate them because they were expensive. Jenna wouldn’t touch it.
Glutino	Blueberry Breakfast Bar	9	These are Delicious! I was very impressed and actually ate a whole box (minus one for Mike).  They are pricey but worth it to have a snack to carry around.
Daiya: Deliciously Dairy Free cheddar style shreds	Cheddar “cheese”	6	Gross if eaten cold but not bad melted on a burger or mixed in scrambled eggs.
Daiya: Deliciously Dairy Free Mozzarella	Mozzarella “cheese”	2	The product advertises that you can finally enjoy pizza but I thought it tasted horrid.  Mike ate the remaining slices.
So Delicious	Coconut Water Mango Sorbet	10	Smooth and super yummy!
So Delicious	Coconut Milk Vanilla Bean Ice Cream	10	Everything this company makes has been a HUGE hit! You can really taste the coconut in this.
So Delicious	Organic Mini Fudge Bar	10	By far Jenna and my favorite! They are amazingly chocolately and only 70 calories (30 from fat) a bar so people who want a treat without overindulging would love these.
So Delicious	Coconut Milk Yogurt	10	We’ve tried blueberry, chocolate, and vanilla and they are all fabulous.  A great way to get those probiotics without having to take pills.
So Delicious	Coconut Milk	8	I use this in baking but don’t really like the taste all that much as milk alone. I describe it as soapy tasting water with coconut extract. Mike loves it though.
Rice Dream	Rice Milk	9	Best of the kinds of milk aside from almond milk to drink.  Great on cereal and I use it in baking all the time.
Silk	Rice Milk	8	My second favorite brand for rice milk.
Whole Foods	Rice Milk	5	This has a bit of a chalky burnt rice flavor to me. I could take it or leave it.
Blue Diamond Almond Breeze	Almond Milk	10	If I could drink this I would but Naomi seemed to have a hard time after several attempts so I eliminated it from my diet.  Great tasting though! Nutty, slightly sweet, and delicious.

Through all of our experimenting, we’ve made some very valuable discoveries about healthy foods. 

Just because it is healthier and fewer calories doesn't mean you can eat double the amount-(YES, Michael I’m talking to YOU!)

1       Ingredients are misleading. Just because it has caramel or chocolate doesn’t mean it tastes good.

2    Don’t let your child sample the items unattended. I found more gluten-free breakfast bars and cookies smashed in between the couch cushions or in the car seat than I care to document- and those are just the ones that Mindy didn't get to before me.

4  

        Most importantly, don’t buy products with labels that advertise the flavor has been enhanced. EXAMPLES:

New and Improved Taste Translation: Our product used to be unfit for human consumption and most likely still is, but with FDA approval.

Now Even Tastier    Translation: Used to taste like sawdust, now we added fruit!

Great New Flavor     Translation:  Your dog will love it!

Other than that, everything seems to be going great. Mike has lost 16 pounds and Jenna cleans her plate most evenings without much of a struggle. When I had to add gluten to the list of no-no’s I really started to worry that I wasn't going to find enough food to eat to continue to stay healthy, curb my hunger, and continue to breastfeed.  But I feel better now that I’m not having stomach pains after each meal (which was a former 2x + a week occurrence).  It’s amazing how you don’t realize you were feeling poorly until you feel better. The house is in order, our diet is running smoothly, and Naomi is glowing; things are all around super-de-duper.  As the summer comes to an end I realize that the new and improved me wasn't as painful a transition as I thought it would be and life is pretty near close to perfect. Now, if only there was a non-dairy, no soy, no gluten pizza out there that actually tasted good too! Then we’d really be living the life J

Just Mama a Little Bit Longer

Two months ago I thought this blog was over. When I started writing it I always figured I'd end with my one year anniversary and go back to work part time or start a new blog calling it Just Mama and More.  But the More wasn't part of God's plan, at least not for now.

July was a tough month.  I had been holding on to my job praying that something might work out in the school district for a part time teaching position.  I desperately wanted to job share (work 2 days a week) or teach home bound (students too sick to be in a classroom) like I did when I was still pregnant with Naomi. This would enable me to bring in some income but still skirt the full blown cost of daycare for two.  But there were no positions open within the time frame needed and I couldn't leave my very patient principal waiting forever.

As a former colleague of mine put it, "God decided for you..." When my grandma was diagnosed with colon cancer a month ago that made up my mind for me.  I submitted my official resignation July 18th, packed up my personal belongings in my classroom, and to my great surprise fell apart on the car ride home.  Over seven years I had worked at this place where I smiled, laughed, cried, and most importantly grew as an educator and an individual.  Handing over my I.D. badge was so final.  A door had closed and it was....frightening.  But why?

What was my problem, I wondered over and over.   This is like a super awesome opportunity I have, to watch my girls grow up. Why did I feel so heartbroken to leave teaching when just a year ago I was so overjoyed to do it? Like staying home was OK as long as I had a job to go back to in case things didn't work out. I thought about it for a couple hours which became days, and fogged into weeks.

The question was placed on the back burner as life trudged on.  The guest bathroom mold  funk started to spread, the respiratory problems reappeared, and my credit score continued to sink along with my morale as Evil Mortgage Company needed yet another packet of paperwork to "consider" our Short Sale application. Then we found the perfect 2 bed 2 bath rental, clean, safe, and just the right price-a light through the chaos.  But in the end our credit was too shaky and my heart was broken.  First Evil Mortgage Company denied us refinancing on our house because we were current on our mortgage and could "easily" make our payments.  Then they denied us refinancing because our credit score wasn't good enough. So we can't own a home that is falling apart and we can't rent anything decent either! The whole thing made me furious and sick at the same time!

That's when my parents proposed an interesting solution.  Move in with them temporarily.  That way we could save money and build up our credit again.   Eager to remove the girls from breathing in the mold in our house, we began the painstaking task of going though everything and packing.  I felt like I was on autopilot, stopping only to make visits to the hospital to see my grandma and check my emails.  But due to the stress of it all the desire to write was gone.  I made a few sad attempts here and there but all that I produced was dribble.

Writing had always made me happy.  It was my stress relief, something that made people laugh.  Like teaching, I felt like I was good at it.   Your students made progress, awesome job!  Tommy understands the difference between prime and composite numbers for the first time ever, fantastic!  His parents can't believe the social growth their child has made under your guidance, you're a Godsend! Your students actually like to learn and are eager to come to school, You're a marvel! When teaching, I felt successful. Changing a diaper and wiping poopy bottoms and runny noses-not so much.

Like today as I didn't feel successful as I watched my tantruming three year old slam her feet against my bedroom door, slowly moving her time out chair across the floor.  I didn't feel worthy of praise as I pried out a banana peel wedged between Naomi's teeth and surveyed the toys and mashed fruit sticky on the tile floor I had just vacuumed and steam mopped that morning. I certainly didn't feel appreciated as Jenna screamed "I HATE YOU, MOMMY!!!!"  between sobs as I tried to explain to my youngest, "We only eat the inside of the banana, not the peel!" Like a dog defending his bone, Naomi only dug her tiny hands and teeth into the "gift" Jenna had stolen from the fruit bowl because she thought it was funny for Naomi to "eat like a monkey."

Some days, like this one, I feel like I stink at my job as a mom. If there was a hidden camera channeling a live feed of my mom disaster moments to cyber space I just know a former student would be compiling them for a video montage set to go viral next month: Large red letters spelling FAIL across my face. And even when things do go right the mommy profession is very much a thankless job. No one is there to show you charts of how many new words or skills your child has acquired this month compared to other's around the nation, or graphs of new social accomplishments your child has because of all the play dates or story time meetings you've scheduled.  The closest thing I've had to a pat-on-the-back is the pediatrician checkups where at least I can hear, "Great job on her skin, mom, what are you using at bath time?" or "Look at that measurement, she is off the chart for brain development-Keep doing what you're doing!"

If life offered award's mommys would be nominated as unsung heroes.  There are many successful moments that go unnoticed and unappreciated and I don't think the real impact of what we do on a daily basis really becomes clear until our children are grown.  That is a long time to wait....that is why I think it is so important that we give ourselves credit where credit is due.  We may not be perfect, but we give our all everyday-even if all we have left is an exhausted version of ourselves with a twitching eye.

Today was the first day of school and I was there not because I was teaching but I was bringing my Jenna  to her preschool classroom.  I am a stay at home mom.  Not the easiest job but most definitely the most important as far as my girls are concerned (even if they don't know it yet ). In the mean time I'm going to move the fruit bowl to the top of the fridge, go a little easier on myself, and try to fit in the things that I enjoy-just for me- just a little bit longer.  It's not exactly true to the title but I'm hoping you won't mind if Just Mama is a little bit more than a year.

Thank You

One year and two days ago I set off on a journey to be a stay at home mom for one year.  These last 12 months have been filled with many wonderful moments,sky high ups and grand canyon downs.  There were days when I wondered what in heck I was thinking. And other days, where I'd wake up with two tiny people, who somewhat resemble me when I was little, competing to throw their arms around my neck and smother me in mommy/daughter love (though some of that love is always a little more drooly than the other ;).

Before I started our little "experiment" to live on one income for one year, we set aside a financial nest egg and stocked our pantry with toiletries and other supplies. Then I created a list of goals I wanted to accomplish. Our nest egg is now nonexistent, we just unwrapped the last bar of soap today, and as I  reexamined my goal list, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I completed most of it. I got to visit my grandma twice a week, and sewed my very first dress for Jenna (Sure the dress had to be cut in half and hemmed into a shirt which Jenna refused to wear, then was downgraded to a dress for Naomi-but I still count it :)) I started this blog and originally set a goal to create 40 posts and even though I didn't always manage to get them out on time (I was shooting for 3 to 4 a month) I passed my goal with this being my 45 post. The front of the refrigerator, hope chest, memory box, and sliding glass door are filled with the 100+ art projects Jenna and I did together, and my recipe box is filled with stared goodies that Jenna and I will bake again in the future.

Looking back on this past year some people might think I was crazy for doing it and I'm not sure they'd consider my story all that successful.  But that would depend on their idea of what success is. A lot of my other goals, like the Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving like meals I created or the rare days all the laundry was complete & the house was super clean all at the same time,  will probably be forgotten. But so much of this year will stay with me forever. I got to watch my baby, Naomi, take her first steps, say her first words, blow her first kiss.  Jenna mastered potty training, learned to count to 20, recites the Lord's Prayer, and, through listening to Mike and my conversations, she even figured out how to spell "park", "ice cream", and "bed."

A year ago I was pulling my hair out trying to manage new found food allergies and sibling jealousy.  Now we've got meals down to a science and the girls play together like best buds. So much joy.  So much growth.  So much change, and so much to look forward to in the future. The first of which is Mike's new job. He is now the Director of a preschool about 5 minutes from our home.  Jenna will be in the three year old class there this coming fall.  We are all very excited and I'm sure he'll do a great job.  We have also had an offer on our house and are praying God blesses that the "As Is" Short Sale goes quickly and smoothly.  As for me....let's just say I've got some options I'm working on for next school year and I won't know officially what my job status will be until August. Until then I've got two more months to enjoy being, Just Mama.

You might wonder, if I were to do the past year all over again, would I? Hands down, no hesitations-YES!  After all, children are tiny for such a brief moment in the scope of our lives. But more than anything, this year has been a blessing and a privileged.  I will treasure my time being home with my little girls for as long as I live. A wise woman once told me that there is no greater gift you can give to your children than yourself.  She gave that gift to me and I am so grateful to God that I was able to do the same for my two girls, even for this short time. In my mind, there's no greater success than that.

To my readers, thank you for joining me on this journey :)
God Bless You,
Jamie

Mommy's "Privacy"

It was shortly after my cup of coffee, and halfway through spreading Sunbutter on Jenna's toast that I found I needed to use the bathroom.  I finished making breakfast,  set it down on Jenna's little table where she was watching Beethoven, grabbed Naomi from her high chair and bee-lined it for the toilet. Sitting Naomi on the bathroom rug, I laid some toys at her feet just in time to hear Jenna calling from the other room,
"Mommy?" "Where are you?" "I want you to sit with me."
"Mommy's going potty!" I called, which apparently translates to Everyone come to join me while I do my business because not only did Jenna come running but Mindy, our terrier, came trailing in behind her.
"Mommy, whatcha doin'?" Jenna asked staring at me from the doorway as she chewed a large mouthful of her toast.
"Mommy told you, Jenna, I'm going potty." Naomi who was happily bouncing a baby doll up and down stopped and grinned at Jenna as she entered the bathroom.
Jenna then packed two chunks of cantaloupe into her cheeks, "What kind of potty?"
"Number two, now can you please give mommy some privacy?" "Why don't you go finish watching your movie?"
"I don't want to." "I want to stay here with you and No-me (Naomi)."

Then Jenna plopped next to Naomi on the rug. Mindy slunk behind her, stalking Jenna's sunbutter toast with her eyes. Great. I thought to my self, The first time my daughter wants to have anything to do with her little sister it's when we are all crammed into the bathroom. I attempted to focus my attention back on my Mother Earth News magazine article about raised garden beds I had been attempting repeatedly to finish for the past week. Suddenly Naomi burst out crying and I looked up to see that Jenna was now protectively clutching the baby doll Naomi had been playing with the very same doll Jamie hadn't played with in over a year and a half.

"JENNA!" "That was not nice!" I said as Naomi desperately yanked the doll back from Jenna.
"But Mother!" (Jenna's latest term for me when she is pleading her case-a direct result of the American Girl Movie Felicity-who called her mommy, mother.) "Mother! The doll is minnnneeee!" Jenna whined with great emphases as she pulled the doll from Naomi's tiny grasp for the second time.
"Give her that doll back this minute, young lady!"
Jenna scrunched her mouth up at me and glowered at Naomi, tossing the doll back into her sister's lap.
"And tell her your sorry." To this Jenna pushed her chin up in the air defiantly, her arms crossed over her Dora the Explorer nightgown.
"Now! Or when I get off this toilet you're going right into time out."
"sorry." Jenna's apology was barely audible but I wasn't in the mood to push it.
"Thank you, Jenna." "Now why don't you go watch your movie?" I sighed, rereading the same paragraph for the fourth time. Then it was Jenna's turn to cry.

"MOMMMYYYYY! LOooook!" She wailed.  There on the floor was Jenna's near-empty plate, Mindy darted from the scene of the crime and hid between my legs and the toilet bowl.
"Mindy!" I said firmly, "That's a NO!" Mindy, suddenly realized I was right above her and darted out of the bathroom, into the bedroom, and judging by the sound of the crate creaking, put herself in the kennel for a timeout.
"Don't worry Jenna, I'll get you another piece of toast when I am finished."
Jenna sniffled pathetically, as I attempted to pick up the pieces of half-eaten Sunbutter toast stuck goop side down in the bathroom rug I had just washed yesterday.

"Can I have cereal, not toast please?" I glanced up and Jenna had the bath towel, which was draped over the towel rack, wrapped around her head like the Virgin Mary and was using it to swing back and forth. I glanced around and realized Naomi was nowhere to be seen.  A brief moment of panic hit me. Where could she have gone in the last three seconds? Then I heard happy grunting coming from behind the shower curtain.  I pulled it back and there Naomi was happily chewing away at a remnant of Jenna's breakfast bread.

"Naomi!" "Give that to Mama." I said, "That's too big for you." Fearing her prize was going to be taken, Naomi shoved the entire piece into her mouth. "No!" I leaned over, grabbed my one-year-old into my arms and used my pinkie finger to pry the slimy goo from her mouth through her 8 clenched teeth. Naomi cried even louder in protest, and as I lifted her and sat her on my leg, a wad of warm chewed bread dropped into my slipper.

"OK!" "Mommy's DONE!" Exasperated I put Naomi down, quickly finished, flushed, and washed my hands. All the while I noticed Jenna behind me giggling impishly. Curious I had to ask, "OK." "What's so funny Jenna?" Jenna removed her hands covering her mouth, pointed at my bottom and giggled all the more gleefully,  "Mommy, I just saw your privacy."
I raise my eyebrow, "You mean you just saw mommy's....." I stopped in mid sentence.  "Never mind..."
"Do you want to go finish your movie now?"
"Uh Huh!"
"Great idea, Jenna!" "Let's go finish watching Beethoven," I said forcing an overly enthusiastic smile on my face while simultaneously repressing the urge to point out that I had suggested this THREE TIMES ALREADY!  As Jenna ran to the TV, I swept Naomi into my arms and headed out the bedroom door toward the living room. Per our Doctor visit check up discussion earlier in the week, Jenna meant to say, "Mommy, I saw your private."  But it's funny she used the word privacy because it reminds me that since I've become a mom, privacy seems to be a thing of the past.

My Little Houdini

Naomi is on the move...not just toddling but 18+ tiny steps in a row.  Just three weeks ago she was my cautious two steps, wait, three steps, wait, one step, forget this, crawling is faster, drop to the ground, kinda girl. Then Jenna got sick, spiked a 104.8 fever, and was out of commission for two solid days.   Naomi was in her glory! She canvased the play mat, scoured the bookshelves, and had her way with all the toys (hers as well as her big sister's).

I was shocked when Naomi started speeding across the room in full stride taking 8 and 10 steps at a time.  I suppose she felt a lot more secure and confident (with Jenna off the living room floor) and gradually Naomi grew braver and bolder with her uninterrupted practice. There were brief moments she still looked like she'd taken one drink (of milk) too many, but even with occasional balance difficulties she could Speedy Gonzales her way across the room in the blink of an eye, or at least the time it takes to help Jenna put on her socks.

This new found confidence opened a whole world of daring for Naomi. She figured out how to escape her high chair safety straps and has thrice caused me a mini heart attack as she attempted to climb down its side during dinner. Naomi consistently breaks out of her play yard, there one minute, under the bed or behind the couch the next like some magical disappearing act.  The other day I got fed up and plunked Naomi in her crib so I could use the bathroom. Jenna skipped happily through the door as I washed my hands, announcing proudly that she had shared some pillows with Naomi.  I rushed around the corner to find that Naomi had pushed them to the sides of her crib and was standing on them attempting to climb over the rail and onto Jenna's bed (we are currently brainstorming alternative sleeping arrangements because of this).

Then last week we were at a friend's house and Naomi's car seat carrier was on the floor (she had fallen asleep on the car ride over so we had brought the entire carrier in so we didn't have to wake her).  I had placed a ceramic knick-knack that I had confiscated from Naomi on the sill behind the couch.  Naomi was overwhelmed with temptation and totally uninterested in the age-appropriate toys all around her.  Instead, she pushed her carrier over to the couch, leaned it back, crawled through the seat like an inclined tunnel, pulled herself up on the couch and then stretched on her tippy-toes to try and reclaim the forbidden item.  I was sitting right next to her so I was able to grab her and deposit her diapered bottom back on the floor.  Her little mountain-like couch climb showed me that I was never to underestimate the gumption of an 11 and 1/2-month-old.

Yes, my youngest is proving to be quite innovative. I suppose it was only a matter of time for all of this to transpire.  After all, Naomi will be one on Saturday, no longer a baby but a toddler with "big girl" interests. Gone are the days when she was content to sit and bang a pot with a spoon.  Yes, Naomi's first year sure has flown by. But I have no doubt that my energetic Little Houdini will keep me on my toes for years to come.

Dearest Family...

Dearest Naomi, 
The toilet is not a toy.  Please don't try to flush it over and over again.  I know you like the swooshing sound but it costs Mommy and Daddy money.  Not to mention it's irritating-especially when Mommy is still sitting on the potty.  Please choose one of the million toys that people have spent thousands of dollars on for your entertainment. 
Much Love, 
Mommy


Dearest Michael, 
I know that Refrigerator Blindness is a male disorder.  Perhaps it is a genetic mutation and not your fault that you can't find the kids' organic apple sauce in the second drawer or the jar of SunButter hiding behind the rice milk on the left side of the fridge's top shelf.  But if you try moving an item or two around before you ask me to come and find it for you, it will earn big brownie points for you and re-instill hope for husbands in general.   
Loving Regards, 
Jamie


Dearest Jenna, 
It is wonderful to have snuggle time while you are awake but once you fall asleep the arrangement becomes very painful for Mommy.   Somehow without lessons, you have mastered the Korean martial art of Tang Soo Do while asleep- I am so proud! But honey, your foot does not belong on my stomach, in my eye, or pressed between my shoulder blades and despite what you think, you can sleep just as good in your own bed as you can in mine.
With Love, 
Mommy 


Dearest Mindy, 
The neighbors can't hear you. They are 40 feet away and you are behind a glass window. Even if your growls were magnified 100x the volume of Mighty Dog people would not be afraid enough to stop their dog from peeing on our mailbox. Do the household a favor, rest your vocal cords a bit, and save your ear piercing barks for when it truly matters-like the next time Jenna tries to paint your hair with sidewalk chalk. 
Hang in There, 
Mom  


Dearest Ducks, 
I am the one that fills your duck pond (plastic kiddie pool) and feeds you pellets each morning. I am also the one that built you the Fort Knox of all duck pens out of a dog kennel and fortified chicken wire so you'd be safe from those rotten fowl murdering raccoons. So why do you repay me, Baron, by hissing at me each time I enter the fence and pecking me when I gather the single egg Fluffy lays each morning? You'd better watch it my feathered friend or Duck a l'Orange just may be served at our next holiday meal.:) Fluffy, this of course excludes you. After all you are our only egg layer. 
Sincerely, 
Farmer Jamie 

Dear Frog Outside the Girl's Bedroom Window, 

You woke up the children one too many times with your endless nocturnal croaking.  I've given the raccoons your location. 

Tell God I said hello, 

Jamie  

Conversations with Jenna: Marriage

It had been an especially challenging morning.  After an hour-long park visit and three large laps around the lake near our house, my efforts to expel the majority of my daughter Jenna's energy had failed.  Dress up clothes lay strewn about the living room, Naomi was wearing dog ears and allergen-free shortbread cookie crumbs on her head-the result of Jenna "sharing" her cookie by decorating her sister with "fairy dust" like crumbs while I attempted to fold and put laundry away. "Look, Mommy, No-me (Naomi) is all pretty and sparkly like Tinkerbell!" On the way to Jenna's preschool I cursed the small box of Organic Chocolate Milk that Jenna had found buried in the back of our fridge and made a mental note to seek and destroy (or have my husband Mike consume) all remaining chocolate anything in the house so that this morning would not repeat itself in the future.

As we drove along I noticed Jenna's brow was furrowed as she picked at the bandage on her latest boo-boo. 

"Mommy, my finger hurts." 

"I know honey, I'm sorry." 

"My band-aid is falling off, see!" 

"That's because you are playing with it." "If you leave it alone the band-aid will stay and your finger will feel better." 

"I don't have a ring on my finger." (Jenna is a great admirer of my wedding ring set)

"Nope." 

"Because I put things in my mouth?"

"Yep." (we had had this conversation before.)

"And once I stop I can wear jewelry and rings and crosses?" 

"That's right." 

"And someday I can wear a ring on my finger like yours and not a band-aid?" 

"Yes Sweets, someday you'll get married and you can have a ring-like mommy's too." 

"Someday when I get big I'll get married."

"Yep."

"When I'm big and tall and I've got big titties like you?" To this, I coughed on my handful of gluten-free granola. 

"Something like that." 

"Someday when I'm big like you I'm gonna marry daddy." 

"I'm glad you love daddy so much Jenna but daddy is already married." 

"You're married to daddy?" 

"Yes, Sweets, I am. So you'll have to find someone else to marry when you grow big." 

"Who?" "Who am I gonna marry?"

"The person God has picked out for you." 

"But who is he?"

"I don't know, but God does and you'll meet him someday when you are big." 

"Is it Mr. Bill?" (Mr. Bill is our neighbor who is in his 60's)

"No, honey, Mr. Bill is too old to be your husband.  When you get big he will be G G's age. (G.G. is what Jenna calls her Great Grandma) You should marry someone closer to your age." 

"Like John Paul?" (a student in her 3-year-old Pre-K class)

"Maybe, we'll just have to wait and see what happens someday." To this Jenna was quiet for the remainder of our drive.  I could tell by the way her tiny mouth puckered that she was mulling our conversation over in her head.  She didn't speak again until we pulled into the school's parking lot. 

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Jenna?"

"Can't I just wait until you're done kissing daddy and then I can marry him?" 

To this, I couldn't help but laugh.  Can't beat a three-year-old's logic. 

How to Make Your House Look Clean in 15 Minutes or Less

I have a confession to make.  On any given day I would rather cook than clean.  This is the opposite case for my mother who de-stresses by cleaning bathrooms at all hours of the night.  Me-I bake cookies & cupcakes,  rice pasta with fresh pesto sauce, soothing homemade soups,... I'm not sure whether it's the mouthwatering aroma, the bliss of eating it all, or the fact that I am hacking a root vegetable into a million pieces with a large sharp knife that makes my worries of the day just melt away into a puff of nothingness.   So it is without saying that my mom's and my house cleaning standards (and cooking methods) are slightly different.

With the house on the market I am finding that my usual practice of keeping things clean but lived in won't do if we have any chance of getting a contract.  I am finding instead that I must always be ready for a showing at any moment which means I seriously have to up my anti from a  weekly vacuuming/steam mopping & biweekly dusting to all of the above every few days.

But the other day I was seriously taken off guard. We hadn't had any showings scheduled for two weeks.  The kids were up super late the night before for different reasons (one had a late afternoon nap and the other was breaking in a new tooth). I was exhausted, they were overtired and because of this combo the living room was in absolute shambles. While I prepared breakfast Naomi had happily cleared the bottom two shelves of the bookcase and Jenna was gleefully trying to "swim" through them as she laid on her belly and flailed her arms about, "Look mommy I'm Nim from the movie." I groaned as I placed Jenna's sunflower butter toast on her play table and glared at the TV playing the 36th showing of Nim's Island (her latest DVD favorite).

Just as Naomi attempted to chew the lamp cord for the 10th time in 15 minutes and Jenna was trying to dress our dog Mindy like her baby doll, I grew sick of it all, strapped the kids into the stroller and headed out the door for a belated morning walk.  About a half mile from our house my cell phone rang.

"Hey Jamie this is (I Can't Believe Someone Wants to Look at Your House) Real Estate Agent." "I've got a client interested in viewing your house." "Apparently the agent interested in showing it thought your residence was unoccupied and already made the appointment." "Would 10:30 still be alright with you?"  At first I was simply elated that someone wanted to see our house.  "Sure!" I said enthusiastically.

"Great!" She said, " See you in 30 minutes!" WHAT?!!! I glanced at my phone clock and panicked remembering the toys and books strewn about the house and the piles of dishes in the sink. Tightening my grip on the double stroller I booked it as fast as my two outta shape mama legs could carry me in the direction of our home. "WWWHHHHEEEEE! Faster Mommy, FASTER!!!" Jenna was in her glory!

I tore through the front door, stuck Naomi in her crib and then began to bark orders, tossing toys into their bins in a mad flurry as Naomi wailed from the other room. "Mama! I don't wanna clean I want ice cream!" Jenna protested.  If it were possible to shoot fire from your eye sockets this would have definitely been my moment, "Clean up your toys NOWWWW!" I insisted as I dashed to the kitchen and started to load breakfast dishes into the dishwasher only to realize that the dishwasher was clean. Was there time to unload and reload?  I glanced at the microwave: 10:20 a.m. NO! I'd have to hide them. But where? Ah Ha! The microwave...It's a counter top version-not included in the house-they won't have to look at it.  Where else can I hide stuff?

Before I knew it the dirty dishes were stacked and concealed in the microwave, the bill pile that I was preparing to sort through was whisked from the dining room table and shoved in the top of Jenna's desk.  I crammed the rest of the toys into the toy box, and threw the clean clothes I was folding on the couch back into the dryer.  Spray, spritz, splash the bathroom mirrors and counters were wiped clean with the hand towel and a new one was replaced. I rolled the top sheets of the beds into a ball, shoved it under the pillows along with the girls pajamas and pulled the comforters over the heap, forming a crease in all the right places. A super speed dust mopping of the house, I threw the mop into the shed, popped the dog into the crate, the kids in their car seats, and pulled out of the driveway just as the real estate agent pulled in.  It was close but we made it.

As far as I know things wen't well. Not sooo well that we got an offer on the house but hopefully it sparked their interest. But I've gotta tell you the experience was a little too close for comfort. I'd hate to have a repeat of that day and a last minute scramble to make our home look picture perfect so I've really upped the anti and make sure that the beds and dishes are all ready before we leave the house and that the vacuuming and bathrooms are done the night before. Now Mike is delighted to come home every day with things in absolute perfect shape, floors polished, toys in their just so place.  Must say that selling our home has it's benefits. Never has my house looked so clean.  Mike is in his glory and my mom is super proud that her prediction that I would "Grow up and keep the house like a pigsty" seems to be fading into the past.